Movie Reviews from
By John Ruch
© 1996 CM Media, Inc.
“Funny! Funny!! Funny!!!”:
Best Examples of Film Critic Hyperbole (column, 1996)
While eyestrain, lower back pain and a diet of Coke and Twizzlers may sound glamorous, the truly cool part of the film reviewing biz is seeing your words quoted in a movie ad. Total power trip, baby.
But some critics like it too much. Some write their reviews to be “quotable.” Far less ethical are those who provide studios with gushing blurbs before the review ever runs, often in exchange for earlier screenings or other perks. After all, we’re supposed to be reviewing things for the public, not for the studios’ ad departments.
There are now quasi-critics who make an entire career out of blurbing. You’ve probably never heard of the American Urban Radio Network or WBAI Radio or Sixty Second Preview, but they provide the vast bulk of those meaningless quotes in movie ads.
When local publicity offices call me for advance comments, I either decline or offer “It was OK,” or “It didn’t do much for me.” While it wouldn’t surprise me to see “IT DIDN’T DO MUCH FOR ME!” show up in a movie ad, so far it’s held them at bay until my review ran for all to see.
So while I’m feeling holier-than-thou, here’s my list of 1996’s Heroes of Hyperbole, the year’s finest examples of quote-seekers in heat, all culled from ads in this paper:
For “Bogus,” Gerard Depardieu’s angel-story bomb: “A masterpiece! A magical movie!”—Jules Peimer, WKDM-AM.
For “
For “Eye for an Eye,” a flop vigilante movie: “Sally Field’s next Oscar nomination.”—Kerry O’Reilly, NBC-TV.
For “Last
Dance,” Sharon Stone’s disposable death-row drama: “They don’t get much better
than this!”—Jeanne Wolf, “Jeanne Wolf’s
For “Jack,” Robin Williams’ aging-boy weeper: “The funniest and best film you’ll see.”—Bonnie Churchill, National News Syndicate.
For “Last Man Standing,” Bruce Willis’s bomb: “The action film of the year!”—Paul Wunder, WBAI Radio.
For “Multiplicity,” Michael Keaton’s clone comedy flop: “Funny! Funny!! Funny!!! Funny!!!!”—Neil Rosen, NY1.
For “The Preacher’s Wife,” extended Whitney Houston infomercial: “The best holiday film in decades.”—Jim Svejda, KNX/CBS Radio.
I don’t know how many of these blurbs were provided early, but I’d wager most were, and mostly be people none of us has ever heard of. Even generously granting that they all actually liked these duds, none of these empty quotes indicates why.
And further granting that lack of context can lead to ickiness (I was quoted this year saying, “Witty, funny and downright heart-tugging!”), it’s hard to imagine an intelligent context for most of these winners.
I’ll have more film critic horror stories next week. For now, enjoy another friggin’ end-of-the-year list.